Introduction: I didn’t change much in my introduction paragraph. I kept the basis of it the same in my final draft, with some minor tweaks. I added a few better transitions in between my introduction sentences of the text. I kept my opening sentence as I felt it was a satisfactory hook. I also didn’t make any changes to my thesis as I believed it was portrayed exactly as I initially intended.
Evidence and Explanations: Besides adding a new paragraph, I kept the same quotations from my first draft to my final draft. Through revision, I felt that my evidence was sufficient in what I was trying to portray to the reader. In terms of my explanations, I added more in various sections of my paper. I went back and added a deeper analysis to some quotes and tried to make new connections that may have not been there in my first draft. I tried to add more “I Say” as opposed to parts where I may have had too much “they say”.
Reorganization: I did not move any specific sentences or statements around in my paper. However, I changed the order of my paragraphs. In my first draft, I believe I had my shortest body paragraph ordered last, right before to the conclusion. Through revision, I believed that this was a bad way to leave the reader off at the end of the paper, so I switched that paragraph with a much stronger one.
New Paragraphs: One of my paragraphs in my first draft was a paragraph I had written for a homework assignment that I felt fit in with my paper. Through revision, I realized that this paragraph did not fit in very well to my paper. I wrote a new paragraph comparing the “abstract” section of a paper and Gee’s “significance” building task together. I felt that this paragraph was much stronger than the original paragraph I had in its place. I think this move improved my paper.
ENG 110I
