Original Paragraph 1:
Throughout the literacy narrative, the identity of the narrative can shift depending on the context of the story, used effectively when the narrative starts as a victim narrative. There are numerous different approaches a student can take to display this shift, and these shifts can be in a negative manner as Williams explains, “Not all the identities students adopt in literacy narratives are empowering… students who wrote about being stigmatized through their literacy experiences, particularly in school where the student is the victim of bad or insensitive teaching” (344). As Williams explains, identities in a narrative are not always portrayed positively, but instead, can express feelings of displeasure from writers. These students often conform to the victim identity of a narrative, but still may be open to change. There is evidence in real literacy narratives of this as exemplified by Hien Nguyen as he states, “My hard work was never acknowledged by my own English teacher… my English teacher did not request for me to move up to the Honors class, which was disappointing, because I did not want him again for next year” (2). As shown in Hien’s narrative, he had a bad experience with an English teacher in high school that negatively impacted his literacy. His teacher served as a sponsor as a witholder of literacy, and directly held Hien back from taking the Honors class. Hien was a victim to insensitive teaching, but thankfully, the identity shift is present and he is able to find good sponsors that will help him.
New Paragraph 1:
Throughout the literacy narrative, the identity of the narrative can shift depending on the context of the story, used effectively when the narrative starts as a victim narrative. There are numerous different approaches a student can take to display this shift, and these shifts can be in a negative manner as Williams explains, “Not all the identities students adopt in literacy narratives are empowering… students who wrote about being stigmatized through their literacy experiences, particularly in school where the student is the victim of bad or insensitive teaching” (344). As Williams explains, identities in a narrative are not always portrayed positively, but instead, can express feelings of displeasure from writers. These students often conform to the victim identity of a narrative, but still may be open to change. Though the protagonist of these narratives may seem hopeless, shifts in identity of literacy narratives proves that these students find a way to restore their positivity and skills concerning their literacy. There is evidence in real literacy narratives of this as exemplified by Hien Nguyen. Hien was an up and coming student who often struggled with his literacy, but didn’t affect his work ethic as he states, “My hard work was never acknowledged by my own English teacher… my English teacher did not request for me to move up to the Honors class, which was disappointing, because I did not want him again for next year” (2). As shown in Hien’s narrative, he had a bad experience with an English teacher in high school that negatively impacted his literacy. His teacher served as a sponsor of his literacy, but acted as a witholder of this literacy, and directly held Hien back from taking the Honors class. Hien was a victim to insensitive teaching, but thankfully, the identity shift is present and he is able to find good sponsors that will help him.
Original Paragraph 2:
An identity that pairs well with the victim narrative is the hero identity. It is important for the writers to feel empowered when writing a hero narrative, as they must portray their narrative in a manner that emphasizes their personal literary success. Especially the shift from victim to hero, as they first felt as though there is no fun and hope in literacy, but they are able to change in a positive manner. Williams explains, “In these narratives, it is the traditional individualistic heroic attributes- perseverance, self-reliance, self-confidence- that allow them to triumph” (343). After being a victim, it is up for the writer to find these heroic characteristics within his or her self to triumph over the victim role and become a hero. There are numerous different characteristics that define a hero narrative, and it is vital for the writer to exemplify these characteristics to best portray the hero identity. Hien’s narrative shifts from victim to hero as he interacts with a new sponsor as a facilitator. Hien explains, “Along with reading and writing better, I also learned that to grow in a difficult subject, you need to take matters into your own hands and take the challenge” (3). In Hien’s narrative, he begins as a victim. Through the helpful guidance of his teachers who also serve as his sponsors, he learns how to challenge himself and defy the odds to extend his literacy to the highest possible margin. He has his literacy withheld but overcomes this adversity and emerges as a hero. He exemplifies the perseverance attribute that Williams explains, and effectively shifts his literacy narrative from the victim identity to hero.
Revised Paragraph 2:
In order for these shifts in identity to be effective, the multiple identities a narrative can have must be connected and relevant to each other. An identity that pairs well with the victim narrative is the hero identity. It is important for the writers to feel empowered when writing a hero narrative, as they must portray their narrative in a manner that emphasizes their personal literary success. Especially the shift from victim to hero, as they first felt as though there is no fun and hope in literacy, but they are able to change in a positive manner. Williams explains, “In these narratives, it is the traditional individualistic heroic attributes- perseverance, self-reliance, self-confidence- that allow them to triumph” (343). After being a victim, it is up for the writer to find these heroic characteristics within his or her self to triumph over the victim role and become a hero. There are numerous different characteristics that define a hero narrative, and it is vital for the writer to exemplify these characteristics to best portray the hero identity. Again, we can use Hien’s literacy narrative to find how effective these shifts in identities can truly be. Hien’s narrative shifts from victim to hero as he interacts with a new sponsor as a facilitator. Hien explains, “Along with reading and writing better, I also learned that to grow in a difficult subject, you need to take matters into your own hands and take the challenge” (3). In Hien’s narrative, he begins as a victim. Through the helpful guidance of his teachers who also serve as his sponsors, he learns how to challenge himself and defy the odds to extend his literacy to the highest possible margin. He has his literacy withheld but overcomes this adversity and emerges as a hero. Through this narrative, Hien not only largely increases his literacy, but he learns important life lessons that he can also take away and apply to his life and day to day actions. He exemplifies the perseverance attribute that Williams explains, and effectively shifts his literacy narrative from the victim identity to hero.
